ashcroft double V

Over it

I had to go to yet another wedding-related event yesterday, the third now to do with A's brother and his girlfriend, and with the promise of more to come, apparently as early as next weekend. Let's just disregard my bafflement at all these now requisite pre-pre-pre-marriage events that and why they always degenerate into extended cooing sessions over pastels and slideshows and toddlers and resort holidays.The thing that I'm finding the most infuriating now, more than all the vapid, normative chatter or being forced to spend money I don't have, is getting asked, every single time, when I am going to drop a fucking baby on the world and become the whole woman that I have so far failed to be.

This one rando, Anne, has asked me this THREE TIMES now and I have been increasingly rude and categorical in my responses, but she seems entirely undeterred somehow. She even told some child she was playing with at one of the parties that "soon [my real name here] will make a baby for you to play with". EXCUSE ME, DO I ACTUALLY KNOW YOU? No, you are a fucking stranger and you have nothing to do with me. You know nothing about me or my life AND you should know better by now, as a human adult by every physical indicator, than to attribute objectives/outcomes/goals/wishes/desires to people based on their gender.

And this time, it was even worse because she asked me in front of six other people.
"So, babies soon?"
"No."
"But why?"
Here I struggle to understand why she thinks she is entitled to this information, remind myself that I will have to see this person again and can't say what immediately comes to mind, and pause for her to perhaps glean that she is offending me. "Well, for one I don't have a job…"
Her, delighted: "Oh then you can be a stay-at-home mom!"
"No."
"But…"
Another person: "Anne, she said no in the first place. Hahahaha."
"But, I thought, seeing as you just got married..."
"No."
Profound and hopefully debilitating confusion. "Oh."

Now, I have to go to my parents' for dinner and I can't tell them the story because they were furious with me last time for taking umbrage to that line of questioning, telling me to "get over it" repeatedly and then, when I insisted that I would not and should not, alluding to all my other basically endless personality flaws. So I can't tell them, but I'm in a horrible mood in large part because of that, and they'll speculate as to why and wind up blaming me. What an excellent fucking weekend.
  • Current Mood: dépassé
I absolutely feel your pain in this regard. I advise just being absolutely honest with these rude nosey people. I used to get asked this a lot but now, after many years of answering "because I hate children. I don't mean I'm indifferent to them, or 'my own would be different' I mean I actively hate children". Your response might be different, but you're entitled to make sure they get the message if they're the ones who asked in the first place. See also (for me) "when are you two getting married" "never. We hate weddings."
But yeah, total sympathy, it sounds intolerable :( the one bonus of getting old is that people eventually stop asking the stupid baby question.
Is she American and from the South? Hoo boy, do I know these feels. Down here you get it from family, friends, coworkers, random strangers.... I finally started saying "I plan to have one as soon as people stop asking me. Thanks for the extension!" At work I started saying "As soon as I get a raise." That stopped it.

I hope dinner went OK. :( Family can be the worst about this kind of thing.
I love "thanks for the extension" and will def use it at the first opportunity (which should be soon - FML). Maybe she doesn't understand facial expressions because I guarantee I was making some fairly eloquent ones...